Hanging On

Woke up today feeling gloomy. I have so many things running through my mind. I am fighting with all that is within me to hang on and be positive and BELIEVE that things will be OK. I know that God is for me and I know that He loves me unconditionally. I don't understand why we continue to struggle and it seems like we are swimming in a quicksand pond. The harder we fight to gain ground, the deeper we sink. It appears that my zeal is gone, but I hold onto the scripture, for they have become my strength.

Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG) I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

Philippians 4:6 (NASB) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Isaiah 26:3(NKJV) You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.

A New Beginning

First day of the year and I am feeling so down. William was not home and it was so much easier with the kids. Getting them up and ready for church went smooth.  I think that is part of why I am so down... it is easier without him here... that doesn't say much good about our relationship or our life together.

I spent new years eve alone, sitting on the sofa watching the ball drop on TV. Lonely and hurt. William and I had a "miss-communication" as he likes to call it... a hurtful argument is what I would rather call it...

The sermon this morning was great! I was shocked about the number presentation of 2011 that pastor brought. Amazing! After service the kids and I came home, had lunch and took a nap. The house was so quiet. There were no screams, arguing or fighting. I am wondering why everyday can not be like today. William came home and everything changed.

The kids were screaming, I was irritated and off we were to church again. The worship service was just what I needed... as I sat at my desk crying out to God, I felt His arms wrap around me and heard Him whisper I love you. All my fear and anxiety was gone and peace settled on me.

I stayed in that state of peace throughout the whole service until William came into the office and that is when peace left and anxiety returned. God, please help me know what to do or say or pray to make things better.

At dinner couple was listening to me talk about my dental surgery that will be taking place this Friday and they opened up their hearts to God and through them my prayer for a way to purchase a flipper was answered. Once again I am amazed at how God cares for even the simple things in our lives.

I know this will be a great year. A time of drawing closer to God and a time of listening more and spending more time with Him than ever before.